#ItsNotAboutUs – Crumb 2 – Silent Battles

My life shattered into pieces exactly a year ago, August 2019. Dreams were destroyed, plans were squashed, life as I knew it was ripped out under my feet. I fought and I gave up, I got back up, fought again and gave up again, repeatedly… God entered my life without an invitation (God doesn’t need an invitation) in September 2019, He saw me, broken… He touched me, when I was alone and had no one around, He stepped in at exactly the right time… it was me, myself and God, in Saudi Arabia of all places, so much for the Old Testament being a shadow of the “now”, I physically started my desert season in the desert.

Very early on in my road to restoration God told me to stand back and allow Him to fight my battles, He ensured restoration. Try it, try to “Let go and let GOD.” Strange things happened to me, reactions and manifestations linked to soul and spiritual activities, it freaked me out… try to let go and let God while strange things happen to your body. Try and shut your mind up, try to let go and let God. Try to let go and let God when you see everything you have worked for is slipping through your fingers, while you try and grab what’s left, try to let go and let God… and all that remained was 2 suitcases of clothes.

In this time, I personally tried everything I could think of, everything that should get expectations met, or at least a response, just to have the effort and expectations met with nothing but disappointment, time and time again, and again… Dawie, just “Let go, and Let God.” Yeah, sure, let me do that… I honestly couldn’t.

God started working in me… It all started with Romans 12:1-2, every believer can quote this scripture if woken up at 2 am. The Holy Spirit drilled it in to me, everywhere I went I was reminded of “Renewing my Mind and thoughts”, every sermon I watched made mention of “Renewing of the Mind” … I almost want to say it was force fed to me, or I tried gobbling it up as quickly as possible just to move on to the next step the Holy Spirit wanted to teach me. I got stuck on it for more than a month before the Holy Spirit started opening up new revelations to me, but still Romans 12:1-2 was not implemented or achieved.

I often get reminded of “Silent Battles”, battles that no one knows about, even if you share your whole heart with your “Support structure”, they can humanly not internalize the agony, pain and emotional strain. I had absolutely no one in close proximity that could put themselves in my shoes, no one that could tell me how to react and how not to react, none of my supporters has walked a similar path. I am not saying that the support I am getting is not appreciated, it was most definitely sent straight from the throne of God, but the agony could not be expressed in words or emotions that could make sense to the supporters. “Silent Battles” are intense, you cannot drop the ball for a second, you cannot allow your thoughts to get the better of you, it takes a few days to get your mindset inline once dropped. The devil is tapping and tapping on the “bruised” spots and if you pay attention to it for a split second, he pounces on it like a hungry lion, and to break loose from the grip takes some doing, but how awesome it is to know that we are serving a God greater than anything the devil will try and throw at us, it actually forces Romans 12:1-2 to be activated, by the assistance of the Holy Spirit.

My “Silent Battle” didn’t get any better, it actually intensified. I had to let go, I had to let God… I prayed with a plead in my tone… “Holy Spirit, I need your help, I cannot carry on like this… PLEASE, lead me to peace… PLEASE!!!” … the Holy Spirit planted the words “It’s not about you… it is… buuuuut… it is not.” A lot has happened over the last 12 months, this is where my healing started. COVID19? What’s that, can I eat it? My silent battle, for me, was much bigger than this virus called COVID19, I couldn’t care less about it.

So, if it is not about me (us), then who or what is it about? Please follow my drift over the next few posts and let us unpack this thought of #ItsNotAboutUs.

The “I am not a reader” type of people, please pay attention for a little while longer, and lets quickly “Caption” Romans 12:1-2. I inserted The Passion Translation below, with the captions mixed from the KJV, AMP, NIV, MSG and NLV. I also made reference to words translated from Greek.

‘Beloved friends, what should be our proper response to God’s marvelous mercies? I encourage you to surrender yourselves to God to be his sacred, living sacrifices. And live in holiness, experiencing all that delights his heart. For this becomes your genuine expression of worship. Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.’

Verse 1: Our true, proper and correct way to respond to God’s marvelous love, mercy and grace is to TOTALLY (in every aspect of our lives) surrender ourselves as a sacred and living sacrifice, an acceptable presented sacrifice to God as prove of a holy life that is both pleasing and delightful to His heart. This will be a true expression of worship towards our Creator, embracing that what God has done, what He is currently doing and what He will be doing for us is in our best interests.

 Verse 2: Do not be influenced by external earthly patterns, customs, and behaviors. Stop imitating and be adjusted to the superficial values, ideals and opinions of the cultures around you.
But be internally transformed by fixing your attention towards God, in doing so the Holy Spirit will renew and renovate your thinking to be inline with God’s way of thinking and you will be able to discern what His perfect will is for you, then living a life pleasing to Him will come naturally, growing towards perfect completeness, as God intended it from the start of creation.

I am on a journey, and by the grace and love of God I have the privilege of getting to know the Father’s heart. I will be sharing parts of this journey with you, for now the flavor of the season is #ItsNotAboutUs. Our look on life will change the day we realize #ItsNotAboutUs. The world as we know it will be a different place, it will consistently and abundantly be overflowing with Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Patience and Forbearance. The whole of creation is eagerly waiting for Man to realize this.