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The Day the Future changes the Past

A phrase that has been taunting me in the last 3 months keeps coming up, and I think it is time to dig deep and get the thoughts into words… “The day the future changes the past.”

The Holy Spirit had me revisiting a lot of events in my past, mostly not pleasant. And a lot of times I had the thought of “If only I would’ve done things differently…”, “How would life have turned out if I didn’t make that choice…?” and short after my thought process would change while sitting in God’s presence as I relived these events with His guidance and safe keeping.

A thought process that helped me a lot and took a bit of grooming to get there was to change my thinking from “How will I get through this storm?” to “What am I supposed to get from this storm?” We often get consumed by the “storm” and get stuck in it. An obvious example of such in the bible was Israel in the desert, the journey from Egypt to the promised land was intended to be a lot more spiritual than what they thought it to be. They kept on asking “How can we survive in these circumstances, how can we only live on “daily bread” falling from the sky?” They were experiencing daily miracles but was blinded by their thought processes, blaming God for the affliction they experienced, not realizing that it was intended as correction of behaviour and a change in thought patterns… 40 years, an exact timeline of a generation… it took 1 night for God to get them out of Egypt, and 40 years to get Egypt out of them, the Egypt generation had to be removed.

As I revisited these past events, I had to be very attentive to the Holy Spirit, listening to His guidance… even though I did not have full awareness of the Holy Spirit while living in the current of “then”, but I was fully aware of Him when He took me back to those days over the past few years… thank you Jesus, thank you for giving us the Comforter!!!
I had to detach myself from events and set people free; this entailed forgiveness, repentance, acceptance, to name just a few…
The cause of my divorce was more than just what made the bubble burst in the end, 2 wrongs don’t make a right… wrong stays wrong, but we so easily justify our actions based on the pain someone else caused, which make it seem acceptable in view of “self-defence.”  I had an affair in 2008 and I was repaid by an affair 12 years later… neither makes the other acceptable; the actions of one makes the actions of the other “more” acceptable in the human mind; Yes, there was more than just the affair that made it pop in the end, but fact remains it popped with a bang.
2 weeks went by in Saudi without a minute of sleep; living off caffeine and nicotine only… my insomnia came to an end by instructions of the Holy Spirit… “Forgive!!! 70 x 7; FORGIVE.” I did…well, I thought I did. Before I went to bed every night, I had to forgive, I verbally pronounced it; as I woke up every morning I had to forgive; again, and again and again… if I didn’t, I couldn’t sleep; if I didn’t, I would be consumed by it every second of every day and could not perform my daily duties at work.
I did forgive, 70 x 7 daily… but I didn’t…

I basically climbed off the aeroplane from Saudi right into a church; I made contact with a friend from my school years whilst in Saudi, he is a Pastor at a powerful church, a church that sees the Holy Spirit burst out in every single service, a church with no restrictions to the Holy Spirit, letting Him flow as He pleases… for almost 18 months, every single service, sometimes 7 days a week, had me on my knees, crying my eyes out… and after a while, without attentively realizing it, the pain was gone… my mourning turned to joy, my weeping to rejoicing… “But wait, what happened?” I asked myself on a day I realized I haven’t been on my knees crying for the last few services.
So, the journey was not just about crying at His feet, even though it was much needed; it was the working of the Holy Spirit into the innerman, the access I have given Him to my soul that transformed my heart. I cannot pinpoint a specific event… but every event of encounter was pinpointing to the completeness of His sufficiency, the wholeness in His holiness. The encounters grew into more than just encounters; it became a way of life, The LIFE.

My one “Abishai Brother” always says… “A true measure of forgiveness is in the ability to pray a blessing of love over your “transgressors.”” No strings attached, no justifications, demanding nothing in return… a blessing of “God, you know the struggle of their hearts, shine your light on them to manifest your majesty in every situation they may face. I bless them with Your love and Your peace, for it to bring rest to their soul. Bless them as you have blessed me.”

The day I chose to live my future in forgiveness was the day my past changed; even though I did not learn what I was supposed to when and how the “past” events played off at that point in time… the day I saw all my “transgressors” as a person, created in His image, longing to be shaped into His likeness; and not see them as an object and cause of pain; but as a creation of the Creator of Life. The day I realized the hurt I experienced they also experience; the walls of protection I have erected are the same walls of protection they have erected. My pain is their pain.

The view of my past changed when I came to a point of forgiveness, the cause of offence lost its hold on me. Taken back into thought to these events now give me a different view, I look at it with compassion, with a hint of sorrow and sadness; not because of the pain I have experienced in the past, but the pain the person of offence had to carry; and I could possibly have been part of their hurt and forced an offensive reaction in defence of their heart. I experience these events from a position of love; I see them in their past and the pain they had to endure, I see them as a creation of God, I see past their actions, I see past their words of attack, I see their wandering search for love, their great longing for peace and rest. I now pray for them to experience the power of forgiveness, not for my sake, but for their own well-being… to be released from the bondage unforgiveness.

Along with the freedom of forgiveness came a new fruit; forgiveness taught me to not take offence, it is much harder to get rid of unforgiveness than to stop taking offence; no, it is not a “don’t care attitude”, but rather a “I know who I am attitude.” I will never justify my actions, I do my best to act in integrity and fairness, and if I am wrong, I will put up my hand and apologize, no need for “Yes, but…”

My dear friend, there is healing in forgiveness… your view of your past will change the day you decide to forgive and set free. A heaviness will be released off your shoulders, the unforgiveness is tormenting you more than the offender. Let go of offence, and attract forgiveness, look past the event, see the person from God’s point of view, a little child of God the Father, they as much as you are…  

Peter asked Jesus “Should I forgive my transgressors 7 x 7?” Jesus replied “You should forgive 70 x 7, or how many times it may take.” Jesus then told a parable of a bond servant that owed a king a lot of money, the king wanted to sell the servant and his family off to get his money repaid; the servant pleaded with the king for forgiveness and cancellation of his debt, the king forgave him in compassion and set him free. The same servant had people that owed him money, upon his release he went after these in debtors and demanded with threats to have this money be paid back to him. The king came to know of this, filled with wrath the king had the servant arrested until all debt was repaid. Jesus ended this off by saying “So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.” (Matthew 18:21-35)
This, as many other verses in the bible, is not to evoke fear, and call for action because of the possible effect of it… STOP doing what you are doing because fear of the consequences if not done, but rather from a position of reverent fear in worship and in awe of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Make your decision to forgive as worship towards Jesus for what He has done and what He has brought to this realm we live in… “Faith through Love, wrapped in Grace.”

Forgive, because you are forgiven; let live because you were given life; Love and let love, because your default state is love. Your view of the past will change!!! I promise you!!!

“Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. Father, I forgive them, because You forgave me, I see my forgiveness as worship for the mercy you have shown me, a sinner, lost and bound by death, released by Faith, found in Your love you have shown through the Grace brought by Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Redeemer. Amen and Amen.”

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